Thursday, April 21, 2005

Am I Existentialist???

Everybody knows that life never moves at the same pace. There are highs and lows with respect to emotions, financial conditions, career success, etc. There are times when you have strong drives. You have strong emotions for something. A passion for something, when you can totally die for it. e.g. the passion for glory. An individual is so concerned to achieve that state, where everyone respects him, knows him for something he has achieved and that can be absolutely anything, glory of sports, glory of innovation…

With most of the people it’s a phase. A phase means it is bounded by time, something that lacks the property of permanence. But the time period of this phase varies from person to person. For some it may last the whole of there life span, for others it can be as short as that it lasts only first try. The definition fails for those for whom the phase lasts the whole of their life, no phase it is permanent for them. But for those of us who tend to lose interest in every second thing try, it is merely a temporal phase.

Twenty one years of age, and I have had drives for absolutely everything. But then I lose it. Lose it, because may be it is not for me. My life is not made for it. Try something different. Some phases last months, some last days and some can be as short as minutes, which get over after having some conflict with own mind and soul.

Maximum I remember is the phase of my interest in physics, which lasted around four years. The day I felt like being an astronaut. I was out to make things that ways. I was reading absolutely anything I got on astronomy. I made telescope, though later I used it to peep into a nearby girls lodging… :P…I made calculations to evaluate the speed one needs to reach the nearest star, the fuel we would need, I had a scarp book kind of thing in which I had all the info of stupid things I did. But it ended with my entering into the stupid field of biotechnology at IIT. But no more remorse, and that for a strange reason.

I recently discovered that I am very close to something called Existentialist. I am someone to who things don’t matter much. It doesn’t matter if I win or lose. It doesn’t matter I get something or not. It doesn’t matter if people are angry or happy. It doesn’t matter if no one is listening. It doesn’t matter if you are alone because you have your own self with you. It doesn’t matter if someone loves you or not till the time you love your own self. If something is positive it is good, if something is not it should not have been like that, that’s it not much to crib about it. No more lounging for the things that I can’t find after a certain degree of effort. As may be god has something better for me and even if he doesn’t have it is still fine. I am not being pessimistic, I am just being satisfied. I am satisfied with what follows. I am satisfied with what is destined. It is not that I have lost the will but I have gained a new approach of satisfaction in case of failure. I am happy when I succeed but I am not depressed when I fail.

It is not exactly being existentialist but quite close to that. And in fact it is close to what is written in Bhagvad Gita which conveys, “One should not worry about the result but nevertheless act”.


Twilight Fairy said...

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Arun said...

Karmanye va adhikaarasthu ma phaleshu kada chana :-)

Yeh Gita mein likhi hai :-)