Saturday, August 25, 2007

Full and Finals

All your FnF’s are done here only. You hit someone with a stone; someone else will hit you with a stone, just that these events would be dislocated in time, so that you don’t realize that you were paying back for that particular misdeed of yours. Not that it is just related to misdeeds but your goodwill is also rewarded in a similar fashion. The laws remain the same.

We humans have a tendency to crib when things don’t seem to go our way. We tell every one our sorrows. We share the opinion that god has been rude to us, really mean. But we forget when we are being mean to other human beings. Let us talk about me only, because this is more of introspection rather than a preaching talk. I crib a lot when some shit happens to me because of some other person. And I keep on cursing that person and god (poor god always takes shit). It is true that this person is to blame for what he/she did. But did I ever wonder why this event occurred to me. Yes I did. And I could exactly see a parallel event in my past. It seemed the same story, only the roles were reversed. And yesterday’s tyrant was today’s atrocity bearer.

So, how am I supposed to behave when I find out that reason for the havoc of my life? Easy said, but once identified the cause should be pursued. Time machines have not be invented as of now, so you can’t go back and set that thing right. The best you can do is accepting it. Accept that you deserve a punishment for your past follies. And take is gracefully. I don’t say that I repent on what I did, because remorse is never a suggestion I would want to give, but take it indifferently. Try cutting the cribbing part. That will help you regain the peaceful state of your mind. This is one of those small line equations which have too much theory in their background and too much of ground work has been done for them, so that you can’t derive them every time. So, like those few formulas that you just have to cram only, do for this law as well.

Morality tells me for every wrong deed there should be a punishment afflicted. And there is no better justice than tit for tat. Only then you would know how it is like, to be, in someone else’s shoes, who has been a victim of your atrocities in past.

Self realization and self control are two modes of relieving the pain one is entitled to!

Wise Guys...

Unpredictability in love is one of the most delicate intricacies of life. These emotions impart a beautiful feeling when two minds are in coherence, but they create fear and insecurity when incoherent.

It is something in which you have absolutely no control over other person’s emotions. You cannot, just cannot force things on anyone. In a clearer tone, you cannot cultivate love in someone’s heart for oneself; neither can you destroy the love you have for someone. The mechanics of love must be very complex, and at least, presently out of human comprehension. Though attempts have been made by predictive psychologists, but most of them have been to explain the already happened phenomena rather than to predict future behavior.

There are two types of learning, organized learning and experience learning. Well, the distinction between the two is somewhat like this, organized is something that is taught to people by regular courses, and experience learning is something that a person learning through the environment he/she goes through. And then, taking a perspective for love, human beings can be categorized into a set of two; viz. the ones who have taken society standardized courses in love/marriage and others who were a little more fortunate in terms of chance that they got opportunity to experience love before marriage as well.

When I make this categorization I want to see how one of these people’s is different from the other one. A person who straight away marries, without prior experience of a relationship is a less learned man, I assume experience adds to learning, compared to a person who has had relationships in past as well. Set aside the learning, there is a pertinent question in my head, which constantly asks me about the positives of the first person in above lines. What is the motive of love? Is it happiness? If so, then who is a happy man? The person one or person two? And how is happiness proportional to love?

Love definitely means happiness, but the converse might not be true. For the first person the happiness comes from love. His/her case is fairly simple. This person always thought he/she has to be the only love of her/his life. This is the universe for them, once in, they never thought of going out of it and they never actually did (assumption for this case). So, whatever experience they gain in their post marriage love life, they are smug with it, because they didn’t have any prior exposure to love, so they don’t have a bench mark to compare to. And they our society defines rules; they would be too hesitant to go beyond these shackles and explore. So, for person one, love is happiness and the converse also holds true.

Person two has a slightly complicated case. This person has had relationships in past, he/she knows what problems they had in their past experiences. He/she knows what to expect from a relationship and what not to. This person is like those wise guys who would want to ponder over every little thing before action. With experience this person has defined rules for himself/herself. With experience he/she has realized that all these rules have to be followed religiously, else the consequences could be detrimental, since each of these rules, have punishments associated with them, which enable their enforcement. Now, for evident reasons, once a person starts thinking so critically about the consequences of each step he/she is going to lose some charm in life. After all, there is more fun involved in breaking the law! So, this person stops repeating the actions that had caused trouble in past. Remember this person has experienced all this in past, as in he/she had already seen the consequences of breaking a law!

Love is a sweet fluid, you take one sip and you want to finish the whole bottle, alas it is intoxicating at times, and you never know when you might suffer from an overdose.

In reminiscent of their experiences, I rove into this person’s mind and I picture a soul wading through the oceans of constant pain and agony, with the hopes that this turmoil would cease one day.

This person makes a note of this experience, every time it happens to him/her, so that he/she learns from it. If you were lucky enough to survive once you would not risk your life again, since you might not get another chance. This is what life is like; learning from experiences and just dying one day. That is all to it. There is nothing beyond that we can see and there was nothing before visible to us.

Monday, August 20, 2007

A Skeptic

If you let others govern your life you are going to get hurt. The entire idea of living for someone else or for others in general is hurtful. Because of its extrinsic nature, it is going to be unpredictable. The way you think about a person today might not be the way that person is in future. By living for others you are naturally privileging them with the power to play with your emotions. And believe me they are not mean or rather I would use a more generic term, they aren’t bad at all. Because had you not been doing what you are, you would have been doing what they are and thus in your own vision you wouldn’t have been bad.

Love and affection are beautiful when they go the way they are expected to. But like Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle puts a limit on how you know position and velocity, it perhaps also puts a limit on prediction of thoughts and feelings. Attachment is a state of high risk. Because it is state of stake involved, which one wouldn’t want to lose! It is the state of your commitment or rather the emotions that your body produces. If I grow really skeptical about attachment and if so does every one on this planet, life would become more predictable, and yes more mechanized as well. Because then you would know what is good for you and you would know which path to choose. However, life would lose its charm of suspense i.e. the unpredictability we were talking about; we would attain a state of altogether elimination of this factor from the society. And life would become like one of those predictable dull movies. Every human being would want to follow detachment because that is a state of less risk and thus less chance of emotional trauma.

As mentioned before, this is really a disenchanting way of living, since humans are used to living in crests and troughs, they would never want to be something like this, a life of a flat-liner. States of human mind are temporal, so is the risk taking capacity of human mind. Today’s jarhead is tomorrow’s smooth criminal, an example that with time wisdom grows. And thus to the delight of a skeptic the state of least risk is a choice of wisdom.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Sex livelihood

A girl walks by me while I was standing at the bus stop waiting for the next bus to arrive. There was something strikingly peculiar about her. She wasn’t any girl from next door. The way she was dressed up, was provoking enough for any man to turn heads. It seemed as if her body was screaming, paint me red. It didn’t take me long to identify that she was one of those unfortunate ladies of the night. I could use all kinds of bad words describing her, but I want to refrain from it.

How unfortunate she could be that she resorted to these means? Or are these means really used by those who are unfortunate? That’s was precisely the topic of debate, 3 years back, when I came up with a paper on anti-prostitution. The underlying idea that I had built in was that it was exploitation of women that we must stop in the form of prostitution. Prostitution in it self is not evil. It is like any other job. Every thing boils down to how lowly or how pristine you think sex is? If sex is really an ordinary thing then there is no problem with using it as means of earning money. However a lot of us think very lowly about sex. We think it is something even worse than the job of a sweeper. But still lots of people think that this job should be banned! We are totally confused, since if we go by this logic tomorrow we will have to justify the job of a peddler. All kind of relationships that involve exchange of money for services should be justified.

See, human beings have a survival instinct. And the society we have developed, here every one has to earn their bread. Different people use different means to do that, but on moral grounds they are justified.

Some people might argue that prostitutes are forced into this kind of business. Then I would say I was forced to become an engineer. We are actually slaves of the situation that society presents us with. We are slaves of the environment engulfing us.

Problem is not at the front of morality of prostitution as an occupation, but from the point of view of the extent of exploitation that is involved in it. I would say exploitation is present in all kind of jobs. The jobs where least exploitation happens are the high end jobs. Surely prostitution qualifies as a low end job. Doesn’t necessarily mean that we eliminate them on the basis of their being low end jobs, since, they surely are means of livelihood for someone.

If someone asks me would you like it to see your own daughter or may be your own mother working as a hooker? I would say yes. Given no other option for bread they might have to resort to this. Sex as livelihood would never be the first choice. It’s asking oneself this question. Would you like to see your daughter as a sweeper? No man, I would want her to become a doctor, may be a scientist, because I believe that these are jobs which require intellect and they from psychology point of view are healthier than the job of a sweeper or a prostitute. Choice of jobs at times is not in your hands. That’s what happens with people doing low end jobs. Who wants to do something that offers lesser returns, but nevertheless it is a JOB.

Crux, here is that the job of prostitute is morally correct, but may be a low end job. We should not hate them for doing that job. No one has the right to look down upon anyone who is at least self-reliant.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

8 Wierd Things about me!!

PS tagged me with this one. I'm supposed to reveal (hold your breath)-- eight random facts about myself (you may breathe now!)

1) I have an urge to do something which others don't do, or think is bad! Evil attracts me.

2) I seem to go to any extent for friends. Friends come first for me.

3) I have a penchant for the supernatural!

4) I wish to know all about the dark world. I watch gore movies! I love to see the darkest mysteries of the real and imaginary world.

5) I am a nice person from heart.

6) I have a fetish for mature women.

7) I have a kissing fetish.

8) I hate corporate world, I like the world as it was, without sophistication, though I am a bit hypocritical in this case.

Sunday, May 27, 2007


Sometimes I wonder what true reality is.

There is a list of 600+ drugs available in the market (prescription or underground) that can cause hallucinations. These drugs modify our brain in such a way that its normal (or the so perceived normal) functioning is distorted, resulting in viewing those things which a normal brain cannot view.

Every person under the influence of these drugs sees a separate reality associated to him/her self. It is incoherent with what a normal person sees. But then what a normal person sees is not necessarily true. Because it is a piece of hydrocarbons attached together and secreting other hydrocarbons which govern what we see! Now what secretion takes place is governed by these drugs.

There is coherence in what we all see, when we aren’t on any drugs. But when two people sitting by each other take these drugs, they tend to see different worlds. Now, essentially these are only signals generated by our hydrocarbon brains and their processing, but why this incoherence between two people’s responses under the influence of drugs.

Today I somehow feel that there is some reality associated with these hallucinations. There is a different world that normally our brain is incapable of seeing. But these drugs momentarily impart the capability of shifting to another reality! I called it reality contrary to the normal belief, since I believe that we human beings are kind of incapable of comprehending right now what is real and what is not! May be we need time and more research to know what real is.

I don’t want to end up without a moral so I add one. No thoughts are crazy, they are a glimpse of what could be revolution.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

The Wannabes

Since last few days I have started ‘wannabe’ hunting. Or rather, I must say, I have started giving a name to few people’s very pestering attitude towards life. They live a life by an image that they create in others vision. What I mean to say here is that their actions and at least there talks are so evident of their fake-ness. They would say what ever gives you an ‘aaw’ or may be they will form an image using a few words and then try to live up to that image by any means.

The annoying part is that they don’t live for themselves, in a way they do, but their actions are governed by their false images which are a result of their constant faking in different conversations with different people. And in that pretense, they kill natural behavior. Now here there is a catch, what is natural behavior? Natural behavior of one person could be different from another person. The thing I am trying to explain is little difficult to put into words, but I shall give my best shot. Imagine that the natural thing for a wannabe is being a wannabe! So his wannabe nature is natural for him. Now an analogy that could closely fit here is black people. I would say that the natural color of human body is white, but then it is not because for black men it is black. They don’t suffer from a disease/deficiency. Thus, even a wannabe doesn’t suffer from a disease; it’s his/her nature that makes it a wannabe. Since black people are evil and most people don’t like it, so are wannabes. Thus, finally an addition to human hate, hate on basis of behavior, categorization on basis of behavior. Well it is not a new thing though, Hitler did it! Hated Jew’s for what they were. Even the biggest moral court also discriminates on the basis of behavior. Punishing a murderer? That’s also discrimination basis behavior. Now, matter of prime importance here is to see if wannabe behavior qualifies for being a felony? To me it at least generates hate if not punishment.

Now how this person gets identified? Well I am no moral police, but still I mention. You lie to one person but you forget it. And you tell a different lie to another person. And this cycle keeps on going on and on. Ultimately, this wannabe is trapped in its own cobweb. But the true character of a wannabe makes him stubborn. When a wannabe is caught red-handed of its pseudo projection, it still doesn’t accept it, and it still fights to lie more and more, to defend its first lie. But it doesn’t continue till eternity, it ends with a loser statement like, “why should prove a point to you?” “Ok I don’t care what you think! I know I am right” “Get lost!” And finally, one that I really find funny, to put the ball in other’s court, “You are a loser!”

Wannabes are complex creatures in their thinking. They are very ambitious. They don’t take steps without brooding over it. It is just that they don’t’ realize that mayhem they cause while crapping from their mouth. Wannabes are like bad artists who does really sick imagery just to please the viewers, but he ultimately he receives no appreciation, because art isn’t an act of fake-ness but a pristine result of one’s true feeling.

What other things a wannabe does? A wannabe always wants to talk about his/her own-self. At times wannabe creates pseudo problems in his life just for the sake of attention. Then every body, thinking that it is some major mishap in our wannabes life starts asking him things and yes his/her purpose of life is fulfilled. Wannabe fakes about its possessions and its experiences. Wannabe acts like Mr. Know it all, sadly with a little knowledge. That’s why you can always beat or rather affirm wannabe behavior by getting into details. But beware wannabe gets really pissed if you get into details of things. But wannabe’s are clever and egoistic they would try to modify the path that you intend to take them to, that is of retribution. Exposing all the fake-ness of a wannabe! Wannabe is badly resistant to it. Once a wannabe realizes that its time for death, he or she just makes an exit. Its like a virus, who sucks on to you till the time you don’t take antibiotics, once it is on, the virus just exits you body to find another source. Thus, lived the wannabe!

Monday, May 07, 2007

पगान् (Pagaan) - Close to Nature

There is very little that we know about the universe as of now. Even if know it all we will still not be sure if there is more to know or not. Tell me one fundamental field in which no further research is possible? There are no ways we can reach the ultimate truth; with every step taken further we are one step closer but never there. It seems, theoretically only that it will take infinite time to reach the ultimate truth.

Take the example of human understanding over last 500 years. From rejecting the premise of earth being flat, stationary and what not, we have arrived at the level of explaining black holes. Just imagine how one would think when they first found that earth was round and the whole universe was revolving around it. They would perhaps consider it to be the ultimate discovery of all time, but still it was wrong.

There is an inherent nature of this problem that we are right now a part of this system. And to study it accurately we perhaps need to go out of it and see. An ant moving on a ring never realizes if she is moving in a circle (given a large curvature) for her it is just a straight line.

Infinity by its definition is not achievable. Hence a lack of certainty in universe is the only truth.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Fuckin Up

"To forget one's purpose is the commonest form of stupidity." Nietzsche

Sadly, I never knew what it was! I'm still struggling to find that purpose, striving to live till then, till then, in stupidity.