Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Confession to the victims of my irrationality. Sorry for all the pain. Forgive me, I am nothing but a human.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Snort a pinch and your eye ball zooms and your vision goes hazy, you soar into your subconscious dreams seeing things funny, horrible, vulgar, gory. Your imagination takes a leap into ‘You in wonderland’. You feel thirsty to the extent that cannot be quenched by any amount of cold water. An intelligent being of you turns into a shitake mushroom, who gazes around like a mentally retarded person. You burst into laughter for no reason of good, an unstoppable activity for you till the time your tummy aches and you are lying on floor beating it. The very next moment you have an urge to hit, you are filled with tremendous psychological energy but you really don’t know how to focus it. This rush of blood can drag you into any antisocial activity, you can kill, rape, stab, jump out of a window for no reasons. That’s Cocaine!
Rolling spliffs, it is really a time consuming job, me not being an expert. But I had to rush, my friend called me a little while ago and told that another friend of his who has to leave soon wants to try the marijuana hit. I finished the job rolling six joints and went down. He was waiting in his car, thought, three of us and six joints, two each, cool! Hey hi! Introductions and we are on the move. The stuff was really good that time; I was expecting a good hit! We moved to the nearby hangout bought a cold menu drink (formality sake) and lit the first joint. There are etiquettes for smoking, three puffs and pass on to the next. But with joints it is different; one roll lasts longer than an average cigarette. Around two and half times longer, moreover the hit is even higher. First joint done, second done, third done, fourth done and our lips were dry like the sand of
I learned a lesson that day drugs are futile. They make you sick and nothing else. Moving into such a state is really not a good experience where you lose your senses.
We had already smoked Mary Jane for around 15 days without any mishaps but with that we ended our resolution to dope. No more to drugs!
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
I came back; those days were too busy for me to think of anything, I was too occupied with work, too much pressure on my little shoulders. I invited her to a function, she didn’t come. I felt bad. I am not used to hearing no, till the time I find a rational justification. Soon I was free from work, now I had ample time to drive the bike of my brain on to her track. Soon I realized that I was falling in love with her. There was I danger she made it clear that she doesn’t want any affair any more. She would say no if I approached her. I knew that. But this heart is a mad horse; it will run and jump into a cliff. I proposed her, stupid me, my fear was true, she refused. But I knew I can’t kill my love for her whether she refuses or not. I am completely a fan of moon, may be because it’s very beautiful or may be because my name means moon too. I compared her beauty to the beauty of moon. Yes she is that pretty. I would simply spend hours thinking about her beauty, and doing nothing. For a person like me who likes to be busy it is tough without a solid reason, which was she. After that we became very close friends, we shared a lot of things, we used to talk almost all the free time we had. My monthly phone bill became three times, but love makes you mad and it is really beautiful. It’s an awesome feeling to be loved by someone. We had a very sweet relationship; today I am unable to put it into words. And perhaps she is the only woman in my life I have got so close to, she absolutely knows me inside out, not even my mother. All I can say is that It was really the sweetest of all relationships I ever had. I won’t exactly call her my girl friend but she was something more than that, really close to heart, a lot cherished…
One Good thing about having a single crush is that every night you think of that person only so you can avoid getting confused which one to think of before sleeping.
Class 11th & 12th I had this confusion, bad years no serious crush, many mini crushes.
Along side my school crush changed, my first crush wasn’t attractive anymore. One reason was that she grew taller than me, secondly I developed a liking for voluptuous girls, and she got too skinny.
Monday, May 16, 2005
When the shadows of lampposts seem like unapparent ghosts, I walk along with the dogs of night, listening to music of their prosaic growling. One moment a gaze to the night sky, shows me the light of moon, the brightest and the prettiest in the sky. The very next moment a Cumulus nimbus blankets the holiness of the pretty sight. Left up is a murky view of the brightest and the prettiest. Cool breeze hits my face but the impact doesn’t hurt at all! I leant my head backwards while being seated at the tennis court stands. I couldn’t help but think. Till the time a lady in blue startled me with her slender curvy pulchritude. Holding the lamp post, as if she was talking to the shadow ghost. I couldn’t make much out of it, distance being the cause of my privation. But the urge was so strong which I couldn’t hold. All I could do was to get up and walk up to her to share a talk or so. One step forward and the view became a bit clearer. She let her long black hair free so that they could flow with the breeze, as if she wanted the souls flying around to play with them. Do justice to their splendid ness. Her blue dress was glued to her body revealing every detail of her curvaceous anatomy. I slowly move towards her, a fear in me restrains my free movement. She gently moves her left hand to her face, as if she got something in her eye I wish she called me for help, but I wasn’t lucky enough she got it cleared on her own self. I still couldn’t see her face clearly. But whatever I could see was simply awesome. I quickened my step, the desperation to see her face made me move faster. She wasn’t at all scared to see me move towards her as if she was waiting for just me. “Hi this is Abhinav! What’s your name?” a silence that lasted around 30 seconds made my heart palpitate faster with fear. She had angelic looks as if she directly landed here from heaven. A perfect 10 for her. But I couldn’t resist, I gathered courage and again asked, “Does she need any help?” she just looked at me with her radiant eyes that pierced through my body making every cell pump faster to help me breath. She took me to a high. From the gloomy situation of the evening it changed exponentially. Seemed as if she was lost and perhaps she didn’t understand what I said. She moved her right hand a bit forward as if she was offering me something. I was scared but had no choice in front of her beauty I was weak like a twig, all I could do was to get down on to my knees and obey her commands. I held her hand, soft as much as you can’t expect, cannot be put into words. I opened her fist. There was a note reading, “Life is about phases, at times high at others low. You see something pleasing, pleasurable or pretty you get high, you lose it you get back into your shell. The world is temporal, nothing lasts”. As I read the last line I looked at her and I saw a smile on her face. She kissed me on my cheek and walked away. I was marooned, but I knew I shall not run after her as she won’t stop, she won’t last. She left with an ever magnanimous smile on her face!
I understood the message but the cribbing was still there, she left! And yes she was right I went to my shell after that complaining why she left! But that’s my nature, and a faulty one. I shall improve and so should you ;)
PS:- Itz a last nite dream!