Tuesday, December 27, 2005

I for I

Followed by criticism for reasons which show others (actually a few others aggrouping me) incapability or rather I should say impatience to read my long posts that actually confuse rather than convey an idea, I have decided to keep this post short, as much as possible.

This is about being mean. Once I was talking to a friend and we were discussing or rather time passing by pondering over useless things, which ultimately generated a great school of thought, at least I consider it to be so. We all get selfish at times, when we favor our selves as against others. Now there is a definite difference between a selfish act and an act that favors you. But, if we think more deeply there is no difference.

What is it to be mean? What actions fall under selfish mottos? What qualifies self satisfaction criteria?

An extremist idea blew my head and I started to explain. Every action in this world is self motivated. Reminder, as promised, I will keep it short. Let’s see how. Primary actions consist of my daily affairs like eating, drinking, gossiping, bathing, brushing, shitting, wearing clothes etc. I do them for me no doubt. Secondary would be the things I do to achieve something like studying for exams, working for money etc… again selfish. Last category consists of acts of benevolence, gratitude, and compassion etc. I reckon they are self-serving. Consider this, you go and help out a needy poor woman, doesn’t that serve as a source of great self satisfaction. You feel proud about that act of goodwill and great satisfaction, don’t you?

Hence, I conclude (though without objectivity, which according to my recent belief has ceased to exist or rather I should say it never existed, thus actually ruling out its relevance and utility) that all our actions are self serving, meaning that all of us are mean.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


In the deserts of ravenous desires, where the porcine pleasures lure you abode, I walked with the feet of an elephant. Random hysteria generated by the thirst of glittering gold caused a psychosomatic twinge in the body. Every yard moved, was scaled with a broken heart and a tiresome bod, still, the hopes were not let down. The complex mechanism of molecules generated some signals that created a craving for gold, as if a critical reaction for survival needed it as a catalyst. Across the mountains, is seen a valley with sunset alone, a place where even the dead angels fear to tread. In the depths of tragic old memories lied the tomb of treasure. The memories of those who once desired to reach the unreachable trench playfully enticed the soul. Reminiscent of the village times where the good old man talked about the anecdotes filled with fear and thrill. The place where no one ever reached, if someone did, he kind of hit the singularity of a black hole, so as never to return back to reality. As the black horse galloped through the desert, my heart much admired the courage of those who once hurled through the burning sands of the desert.

The golden glaciers, the much talked about, but no one knows what actually is inside? Some think there is a river of gold which flows inside the valley; there are others who think once you reach the real gold there will be aphrodisiacal angels greeting you carrying the ritual of libation and life thereafter would have every thing from beautiful women to gold. Some are more spiritual who think this is the way to god, crossing the valley takes you to heaven which is the place god lives and only a few lucky make it to that place, and for those who reach there, there is no return as it is heaven and who wants to come back to hell. But it is all a belief, no one actually knows what lies on the other side.

So much glory attached to this thing, that the stakes become too high. Success would simply change the time for you, so would failure. Repenting and discouraged one might digress. Life isn’t easy! It is test of how strong your character and commitment is. How long can you go with suffering without drifting away from the morals you once had and without losing the hopes of finding the gold. Compromising on character is no solution but a revelation of weakness of character. A Great man is one who has a strong commitment.

Some people tend to confuse process of learning with comprise. Our thinking is bound to change with experience. That is a part of learning. But, at the same time it should not go against the inner will we have.

Racing the horses through the mountainous stretch, heat tested the commitment time after time. Baked like a sandwich from the top it was nuclear powered sun and from the bottom it was the superheated sand. To add to pain was the dry and hot wind carrying grains which fired like bullets in the eyes. With miles to go and nothing to see, keeping the hopes high was more difficult than just walking. Thoughts of failure could just bury you in the sand; to just avoid them was the best strategy.

Thoughts of safely turning back often haunt your mind but once on the gate it is a different scenario. You feel one step closer to your target, so there is no turning back. Female clit is one way to enter her; the valley entrance seemed like a clit, and in each case you want to enter without any hesitance. The entrance is pretty enticing that you just cannot resist it. Though you get a felling of inexplicable fear but still once on the gates you just cannot resist entering. Once entered, the fate takes the control, if you took appropriate precautions, you might just come out safe without disturbing the nature else you might fuse some egg which can cause trouble in future. Inside the tomb we lost our way, we didn’t make a map to trace our way back, and we disturbed the demons, they were now secretly chasing us.

In panic we lost our goal, forget about the gold now we just wanted to survive. We were stranded like losers running around to find something to save us. Just then someone recalls that this is a test of our character and commitment, running away from it reveals our weakness and that’s how we fail. We must face it with courage, face your problems and they start disappearing. We all have weapons to fight them; the ultimate weapon is your character. Stronger the character, more lethal is the weapon.

Soon we fought and defeated them, the demons were gone and the white angels of hope appeared. The angel of conscientious thinking helped us with the path to gold. We say the brilliance; there was no libation, no women, no gold and no doors to heaven but a feeling of self satisfaction. A feeling of accomplishment and a happiness, that’s it.