Logical Regeneration Of Faith

There are times in my life I feel so empty, so meaningless, so stupid that I wonder if it is all vain. I feel I have no strength. I look at the mirror and see the formation of an image about to break, about to vanish. I feel so trivial. I see no skills. No aim. I find myself wandering aimlessly in this world. I find myself building fragile dreams that are always broken by you. I find myself working every bit to save a fruitless image. I find myself struggling to save my identity. Struggling for something I am myself not sure of. What am I existing for? Surely not to pander to sophomoric desires. Desires for which I fight like hell, later only to realize the height of stupidity they hid under their enticing faces. Everything boils down to god. If you were god my question to you would be why am I here? If I get the answer to this question I need no science, I need no education to live a blissful life which for that matter is a fake illusion. Probably God put us into this place without giving us the real strength to know the purpose of life. And here we are today wandering aimlessly being unsure of every next bit. What should I do? Where should I go? and all this Why??? keeps me troubling all the time. Is love the ultimate aim? Is it money? Or success? Or it is knowing God?

Lets analize it. If we talk of the things for which we already have standard protocols, then they are achievable. We have people who have done it and we will have people who will do it. Like for example love. You give love you get love is something that is a universal protocol for achieving love. You work hard given sufficent opportunities and luck so earn success or earn money. But what in case of God?

Its different...lack of existence of a standard protocol, a visible and apprehendable one may not be a mere coincidence. Something that should exist but no one knows! No one has seen. it is different. Now the whole point is that if you are unsatisfied, vainful human being and you feel similar to what i feel, then you must learn to trust your gut. I have! My gut says, "Dude you lose interest in every other thing you try, but you never lose your faith in God. Sometimes you might say I have no faith but you always find yourself reverting back to him. For the rest you are sure but for God you are not! That makes him different! Something unique in which you never lose interest. Something thats like a last resort for you. God is there. Path to God is unknown. Some say it is meditation or some spiritual crap. It could very well be that but i dont know. They dont have any proof. You should follow a path of faith and gratification to his holyness. He will take you along."

Weak Like A Twig

Feeling of possession! It makes one weak. Weak to an extent that you fall so hard that you are unable to get up. You lose something and you are like a dead man. Some go into a gloomy state and turn to a rock others become paranoiac that makes them violent. I always thought I was strong, I recovered easily from shocks. But last night I came to know the reality. I am weak! Weak as a twig. Which can be broken by a ever little stress that it has not witnessed before. Something happened to me. I was feeling restless. Reason was in front of me but I was unaware, unable to identify it. Something like this happened, I wasn’t being treated well by someone I wanted to. And that someone was somebody I really cared for. I wanted the treatment of being special. Its like saying even if you are not special still you want special treatment. It is like having some desire that is over demanding. It is like having expectations for no good reason. I guess we have an inborn desire to be liked by someone we like. Perfectly human it is but how far is it justified. Human desires are irrational at times and they need a check. I guess all us love to be loved. This feeling is a desire that makes us weak. We are they happiest and feel like on the top of the world when above is fulfilled. But at times we don’t get the kind of behavior that we anticipate and we find ourselves fucked up! It is a desire that causes pain for no reason of good.
But the irony goes like this, even after realizing it I am still an ass to behave in the undesired way, the way that causes pain, the way that makes me weak!