As if God had given me exactly one month of happy love life. My spree of romanticism ended as she left for her home. The farewell was melodramatic, somewhat similar to any retrograde Hindi movie that I would reject with a sense of relentless humor. The only way it differed was through the involvement of Hi-tech accessory of mass communication. She left as we shared last minutes on cell phones, till the time her battery got exhausted. And man, it was emotional. Sentiments rush was on a high.
Good byes are tougher for those who are left behind. Because the person left behind has lost something whereas there is a whole new world in front of the person leaving. In any case it is hard for both, only the levels differ. Her last words made me realize that I really meant something to her if not everything. She wanted more from life but at that moment her words made a cry that I was really precious for her, and if she wants someone to be seated besides her at that moment, it was me. Six twenty nine, last call from my cell, and she left.
I tried catching sleep; with restless turns finally I got out of my bed at 7:00. 8 o'clock class after 20 days, man I was screwed, attendance fucka on charts. Four hours of lectures and I returned back to my room. I moved to one of my friends room. When you miss something you look for alternates. No calls today, no morning teasing/applauding messages, just he and his selfish woman talk. I came back to my room and crashed into my bed. Two hours of moon dreaming, cant exactly recall what it was. I woke as in movies, I had a nightmare dream. I felt pukish. I wasn't sick, I double checked. "What the hell? What's wrong with me?" Pukish on losing something! "Where are those calls?" I said to myself. I went to the loo, washed my face and left for library. Tried concentrating on studies, with my exams just four days ahead. Meanwhile I talked to her cousin. My opening sentence was an apology for the call being completely selfish. Well I was missing her like hell, and I wanted some support and I had no one. I wanted someone who could make me stronger, sad but true, I found no support. No evening talks, no sweet voice, no flattery, no 'gussa hona', no business like messages reading "come online", no missed calls, no late night chit chats, man I missed everything like a person blindly in love. First day was real hard, I wondered how would I survive but time is huge force. I took out my sweat shirt which had her fragrance and smelled it. Thought, she is beautiful and I miss her. I wrote her a mail to let her know how much I was missing her and how my first day without her had been.
I am not a Paulo Coelho fan but I really liked 'The Alchemist' and I would quote it directly from there, "When you strongly want something and make an effort for it the whole universe conspires for you to achieve that thing". I received a message that read, "hi. i m messaging from my brothers cell, come online".
Jan 31st, 05