It is preposterous, how my mind works. One moment it can analyze things with an awesome rational knack, the next moment I lose it all. My head loses the battle it fights against the heart, the creepy entity that imparts emotions. It transports blood into my 'nerve of emotions', good and bad. And yes it always beats my mind, the rational entity. Like the war between evil and good, the evil (the emotional entity) almost always wins. I tend to react like a baby; a good willed adult who understands that the feelings of jealousy, hatred, distrust... are evil loses his ability to rationalize his own behavior. There were pressure situations I handled without panic, when others failed but the emotional crisis makes me too vulnerable. I am bad, and the God shall punish me.
Confession to the victims of my irrationality. Sorry for all the pain. Forgive me, I am nothing but a human.