Tuesday, May 31, 2005

My Last Summer

I got up in the morning on the wrong side of the bed. I slept again as I had nothing to do. A summer morning, my head was damp with sweat. The fan in my room is not good enough to cool. Only cooling effect came from the sweat that dripped from my head onto the pillow. I slept bare naked last night to protect my satin sheet. Thanks to the heat at least it killed all the mosquitoes. And thanks to god, I never forget, at least I am still alive. I finally got up at 10:30 when I could not sleep any more. Life is injustice I can sleep for 20 hrs when it is exam time but not more than 12 hrs when I am free. I turned on the idiot PC; it logged me on to various messengers. I browsed through the offliners, none of them made any sense. Next thing it boots is the song player; turned on the loud crap I was listening to last night. It makes no difference now, I am already deaf. I check my mails, again nothing useful. I went through my ablutions monotonously without an interest. I wasn’t especially hungry but I wanted to eat for the ritual. I took my bag, put some books into it none of which interest me. I reached Barista my only hope of a nice place. ‘Breakfast at Barista’s’, one month it would have been a gay thought today it is my last hope. My thoughts: I sit alone at the corner table for some reason it is my favorite spot. I look at the cosmopolitan people around me they sound strangely strange. This guy pretty well dressed like an official is doing some work on his laptop or a funny thought he might be watching porn. What is he doing here at 12 if he is an official? Does it matter to me...huh! And this fat lady sitting right besides me seems so badly engrossed in her paper work that she didn’t even once sip the coffee she ordered. May be she likes it cold, but then why she ordered a hot cup? I have a curiosity problem; at times I will do anything to quench this strange desire. I peep into her papers while she looked outside; and damn it man she is doing some 10th class mathematics, perhaps she is a school teacher. I thought her to be a business analyst; make it a rule dude looks can’t talk about your profession. I don’t like this place, it seems so plastic. People seem so manipulative here. One o clock I move to the library, its better than my room but again I don’t like books either. I leave by 1:30. It is very hot, scorching summer sun, will it ever pity the poor. Again the idiot computer and a little bit of same old orkuting. I catch sleep after that. I get up at around 2:30. I wish it was evening but I wasn’t lucky enough. It feels like I am living just to live, I don’t know the art of life. It feels like it has been ages I even heard my own voice. I miss my friends and it is really ugly to live without people who care for you. It is really ugly to live without people who make you feel special. You talk to someone only when they give you a sense of security. I miss the love and affection. Its value is not realized when you have it but when it is gone. I see familiar faces but I cannot talk to them, they always existed there but I never bothered to talk, and they were never interesting and they will never be. It is 11 at night and the only words I spoke today were when I placed an order for breakfast. Funny it is to live like this, funny is a wrong word; it is painful to live like this. Hope tomorrow is not the same. Hope I get to hear my own voice a little more in the days to come.

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